For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
