Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
