Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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