dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
