No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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