Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
