After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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