Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
