don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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