Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
