I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
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There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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