and you said cock pushups were impossible
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
