After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
