My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
