He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
the raccoons are back...
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