She is in my trunk
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
