so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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