We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
