you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
