dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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