Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
