I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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