Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
