I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
