Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
