Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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