I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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