dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
