She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
