Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
