THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
