i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
