Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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