id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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