So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
