my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
