Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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