You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
