It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
