I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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