My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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