Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
