i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
