i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
