Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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