apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
