Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
