I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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