Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
