Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
