Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
