Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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