Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
