Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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