Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
