I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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