If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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