just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
