His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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