im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
