I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
