The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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