i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
