Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
