Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize