I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
