i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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