Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
