you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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