she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
