Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize