So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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